'When you were made a leader you weren't given a crown, you were given the responsibility to bring out the best in others.’
Jack Welch, Former CEO of General Electric

It was a privilege to be appointed Martin’s Best Man - but also something of a challenge. How to design a stag weekend that would entertain my older brother’s friends, integrate a diverse set of personalities and still accommodate our Dad and his mate Bernie from the Drill?

This was 1993 and well before the era of exotic and expensive trips to Riga, Vilnius and Vegas. I determined that, given the sophistication and maturity of the attendees, the theme should be one of laid-back contemplation. It would be a Serene Stag Party.

I rented a remote farmhouse near Acle Bridge on the Norfolk Broads, and as we gathered on the Friday evening, we settled into an exchange of amusing stories and telling anecdotes. I’d bought a couple of bottles of whiskey and a pack of cards to sustain the mellow mood. All seemed to be going well.

On the Saturday, equipped with an Ordnance Survey map, I led everyone on a scenic ramble around the Broads. Along winding paths and over awkward stiles; past disused windmills and romantic Saxon churches; sighting boats and barn owls; admiring voles, dykes and reed beds. It was all rather beautiful.

That night we had a relaxed dinner in a charming country pub. Again there was an air of warm-hearted bonhomie. I congratulated myself on a project well managed.

It’s true, a few of the group had in mind a more vibrant occasion. Scouse Mike in particular observed that a stag weekend should be characterised by shenanigans and tomfoolery; wild nights of mirth, music and dancing.

I explained that that was not really the concept. This was the Serene Stag Party.

As we approached last orders in the pub, Mike pressed me about the possibility of going to a nightclub.

‘Come on, Jim. Club! Club! Club!’

‘No, that’s not part of the plan, Mike. And besides, haven’t you noticed? We’re in the middle of nowhere.’

Mike persisted.

‘Club! Club! Club!’

At this point the Head Barman, who had overheard our conversation, made a helpful intervention in his distinct rustic burr.

‘There are nightclubs in Norwich and Yarmouth, you know. And Dave from the village can take you in his minibus.’

‘Club! Club! Club!’ cried Mike.

I tried to argue with him.

‘But I’ve got that bottle of whiskey for us to drink by the log fire when we get back.’

It was to no avail. Soon Mike was joined in his revolt by the rest of the company.

‘Club! Club! Club!’

That was it. My authority had evaporated. Mike took over the reins.

‘What do you think? Should we go to Norwich or Yarmouth?’

With a knowing smile, the Head Barman scanned the motley crew and pronounced.

‘No jeans in Norwich.’

Before long everyone was clambering into Dave’s minibus in a mood of reckless abandon, and they were on their way to Yarmouth.

I wandered disconsolately back to the farmhouse with my Dad and his mate Bernie from the Drill. We had a quiet whiskey by the fire and went to bed.

I was the Leader who Lost Control.

'Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.’
General Dwight Eisenhower

The lesson here is simple. Leadership is about more than a title, or a reporting line, an org chart or a corner office. Leaders cannot presume that a chosen plan will be adopted and executed without question. To be a leader you need to earn people’s commitment; to establish a shared vision; to take people with you. Successful leadership requires enthusiastic followership.

'I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?'
Benjamin Disraeli

In the early hours of Sunday morning, in dribs and drabs, the members of the stag party found their way back to the farmhouse. They’d had a fantastic time in the Yarmouth nightspot and all agreed it had made it a truly memorable weekend.

I reflected that perhaps the Serene Stag Party had not been such a good idea after all.

'Put yourself in my place
And you wouldn't do the things you do to me.
If you put yourself in my place
You'd know the meaning of misery.
Sleepless nights, tossing and turning,
Days and nights of worry and wondering.
Put yourself in my place
Then you will realize why there are tears
So many tears in my eyes.'
Maxine Brown, ‘Put Yourself in My Place’ (W Drain, R Obrecht)

No. 387